When I admit that I don't believe in god, or fate, or souls, people often ask me if I believe in "true love." It seems like a jump, but I can see where it comes from.
The part of the phrase that bothers me is the "true" part. Tolkein wrote, in a letter:
Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might be found more suitable mates. But the real soul-mate is the one you are actually married to.
Sometimes people freak out and say "you're not a romantic, then."
If romanticism is defined by the insistence that there is one person out there who I can love for the rest of my life, then I am most expressly not a romantic. However, I don't believe that's what romanticism is, nor do I believe that love is about finding someone and being together forever.
Some people insist that love is instant, that when it comes it is like a bolt of lightening, and it strikes you and you are changed forever.
To me, love is like a flower. You plant it with someone that you care about, someone that you like and think is interesting, then you cultivate it, through experiences and understandings and discoveries about one another. Love is not something we receive, it is something we build through compassion and mutual affection.
It's Valentine's Day, which is an opportunity to cultivate love, if you have it, or simply enjoy the prospect (like I do). Enjoy the day.
